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I AM: 22 [in june], a music lover, a born radio announcer, a nail biter, creative, lazy, open minded, tired, left handed, low self-esteemed, loud, non-content, a loser, hungry, lost, an oc watcher, deep down cry baby, tough on the outside, a self pitied victim
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THE PLAYLIST
Listen To The Wind - John Farnham
No Sensitivity - Jimmy Eat World
Caught A Lite Sneeze - Tori Amos
Electricity - Something For Kate
![Joining You [part 1]](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000IHD7.01.THUMBZZZ.jpg)
These Are The Thoughts - Alanis Morissette
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out - The Smiths
Young Man, Old Man (You Ain't Better Then The Rest) - The Dissociatives
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posted on 2006-03-17 at about 12:51 a.m.
it's 1am i must be lonely
what do you do when you want someone you love to kick or get rid of their bad habit? what happens when that bad habit is you? how do you make someone stop loving you without hurting them? how do you (un-cowardly) tell them what you want to say? i am not in your class, i am not in your league.
and yes i know i've mentioned this before, but this time it needs to get through.
you are better then me and no, not just because i live to put you on a pedestal. you were born that way, and no i can't blame you for being born better (or more) well off then me and i can't blame you for where i am in life, but i can blame me and i will blame me. i will let you know that i am out of my depth when it comes to you.
i am, sleeping on a couch, smoking pot, slowly getting sick of my piss-easy job, getting more and more depressed, crying on the train and on the inside, emo little freak, spinning out of control....and regardless of the fact that you love me....this is not where i want your life to end up because you are such a greater person then all of that, you know how to rise above and be what your parents taught you to be. i, (and here is the slef pittied victimness coming out [again]) have not be taught how to rise above what drowns me....i just seem to run away from it (like i am now.)
maybe i'm not better then the fucking futon i fall asleep on every night, maybe i'm not better then the joints i smoke and the bongs i rip.....
maybe they just take me away from who i am for the smallest amount of time to make me happy and forget about the shit i get myself into.
Gavin Brice is nothing at the moment, i'm not sleepy, i'm not smart, i'm not happy.....i'm nothing but a time bomb waiting for that little spark. i keep saying "i'm done" and then just getting deeper and deeper in and putting up with it and now i feel like i'm really done and yet i'll still put up with more.
in all honesty i'd prefer you not to come over and "sleep" on the fuckin' futon with me for the fact that we all know that you have a queen size bed with your (and your cats) name on it, we all know that you are far better then the childish boy that sometimes lies next to you at night when you do decide that you wanna be here.
he, can't sleep because of it sometimes. (like now) if you left tomorrow i wouldn't be surprised.
sometimes i don't want to answer my phone when i know your calling, sometimes i want to just pretend like you never called, sometimes i just wanna break down instead of answering....because you don't need to call me.....you don't need to hang around me, you don't need to love me. i'm unhealthy
i'm so fuckin' unhealthy for you Danielle i make myself sick
i want to vomit my entire life up, until i see blood and i know it's my last breath
and i'd rather you didn't know me for that i'd rather you never met me so i would never have inflicted you with the disease of me.
suppose it's time to take my pills and head to yet another couch......
if only it was a therapists
missed my whore like ways?
it's 1am i must be lonely - 2006-03-17
shattered soul - 2006-02-06
the reality is - 2005-07-19
"listen to the wind" - 2005-07-15
asking too much, huh? - 2005-07-10
was || next
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